No Corporate Ladder 4 Me

I am so ready to quit...

2007-03-01T00:10:00.000-08:00

I think I'm ready mentally to throw in the towel. I'm already so sick of this kind of work. I really don't know how I survived years in consulting, or rather, in the corporate world.

We're just selling our souls and personal time pursuing more money. And status.

Why did I go to uni? I asked myself. I have wasted my parents' money and hope. Even though I think I'm happier being a yoga teacher.

I told a very philosophical man about my dilemma.

He said, "we went to uni to learn about the world and think. Not to become slaves to the corporate world."

He was so right, hitting the nail on its head.

The only 2 things holding me back from quitting are:

1) Social pressure - what will my parents, my in-laws, my relatives think of me? I would appear like a failure, even though i excelled so much in school. I'm choosing a more inferior career over what is seen to be so glamorous and promising! I don't know if my morale will go as low as the time I was unemployed again. I cannot bear the thought of having to go through that low tide of my life. It could drive me nuts.

2) Working clothes - I have some of the nicest and most professional looking working attire, like suits and matching shoes. What am I going to do with them? It'll be such a waste... I really spent so much on them! And attempted to look like I fit into the corporate world so well. Those were just a facade...

And if I do fail as a yoga teacher, will the corporate world accept me again?? My career would have been jeopardised badly by my own wrong career decision.

It's a scary thought. Although I think about the option all the time. I need to find out what I really want from life. Definitely, I can tell you, it's NOT the corporate world.

9 more months...

2007-02-08T16:38:00.000-08:00

I have given myself one year in this place. 9 more months to go. Oh dear I've only been through 1/4 of the suffering!

I want to stay positive about the whole thing. I am not giving up. I am still giving my best. But the people here are just demoralising me.

Like today. I have to miss my favourite yoga class just because I have to spend hours waiting for my work to be cleared by 2 bosses. And there's no way I can rush them. I know they are busy. Everybody is...

I have been sacrificing my classes for my work, most of the time not due to my own inefficiency but others' slow response to my requests.

It is just frustrating. Going for yoga classes, or having a life for that matter, seems like a luxury that corporate people despise. People are jealous if you can make time to do it. Even though it is purely due to your own efficiency and skipping lunch and skipping idle chit-chatting with colleagues.

I feel so fat and lethargic... from my usual 5 times a week yoga, I can only afford, at best, 3 times now. I really don't want to lose the flexibility I have gained with my hard work the past 13 months :( But looks like I'm losing it slowly but surely.

Gotta get my priorities right... work? Money? Or health? Yoga? Happiness?

I am so not a corporate ladder material!

3-month anniversary. And dying...

2007-02-07T01:24:00.000-08:00

It's only been 3 months. I feel as though I have aged and been through so much. That is the pain of consulting.

I still don't fit in very well here. The people and culture are just so different.

This is a very typical corporate world. I have come across so many cunning people, sadly, including my boss. I finally saw his true colors. I guess you have to be cunning to rise to the top - and stay there - at such a young age.

I have also met so many tai-chi masters. They just love to PUSH things they don't want to do to newbies, like myself, and wash their hands clean completely. In front of the bosses, they promised to do half the work. After that they just say they have no time. And the responsibilies naturally fall on me.

Come on. I also have to juggle with a few projects. No time? MAKE time! It is just so unprofessional to dump things on newbies. Projects and clients that you think are shitty. And yet in front of the bosses, they pretend to be to helpful and cooperative.

I am once again saddened by the reality of corporate world. As though all my nightmares are materialising... I don't know how much longer I can take this. More and more sad realities will reveal as time goes by. All the monsters will surface. They exist to make your life hell. They know how to speak loudly and take credits and give instructions. Even though this is already expected, it still hurts so much!

I am starting to miss my jobless days. Haha... why is it that making money and fun cannot co-exist at the same time? The only way I can fit in is to become one of them. BE NASTY. But it's just not me... and I don't intend to change myself to that...

I am once again in the dilemma. Yes money makes me happy and fulfilled. But it's so short-lived... I feel like I'm struggling just like before... nothing has changed. I STILL HATE THE CORPORATE WORLD AND I CAN'T MAKE MYSELF PART OF IT!!

A very good year indeed...

2006-12-26T01:09:00.000-08:00

2006 has been a very memorable year, and overall, a very good year for me.

OK, job still sucks, but there's nothing I can do about it. I need to survive.

In terms of holidays, I have never had such a bumper year.

This year alone, I visited these countries:

1) Japan
2) Hong Kong
3) Vietnam
4) Cambodia
5) Bangkok
6) Singapore
7) Bali
8) Penang

And to make it a nice number, I was sent to Shanghai by my company recently.

I kept it really low profile as I do foresee a lot of jealous and envious people around me. I mean, I have only joined the firm for 1.5 months. But already given the opportunity to travel abroad for work. Some people have been here for years and praying for the opportunity. Well I guess I'm just lucky. At the right place at the right time with the right skills...

Shanghai was totally amazing... it really didn't feel like China at all. It's a HUGE vibrant metropolitan, full of people and cars. You could sense that people there are HUNGRY for business and success. The food was just fantabulous. But somehow I missed home. I actually felt lonely and it was too cold for my comfort. What is happiness when you don't get to share with others, especially your loved ones?

But all in all, I don't think I'll ever have another bumper year like this in this lifetime. It was just awesome. And crazy. But yet memorable.

2006 - the year I travelled so much and didn't work for a quarter of the year.

Merry Christmas & a Happy 2007!! :)

Work just sucks...

2006-12-10T21:51:00.000-08:00

To commemorate my 1 month anniversary in the firm, my company had its annual dinner to celebrate this special occasion with me. Well, not really. It just happened to fall on the same day.
I was not looking forward to it. But it turned out much worse than I had expected. I vowed not to go anymore...

If a company annual dinner is meant to foster better relationship amongst colleagues and instil a sense of belonging, this one has failed miserably.

I was there early. But the door only opened an hour after. It was free-seating. By the time I realised the door was opened and went in, there were no more empty tables. Though there were plenty of empty SEATS.

I went to a table and asked for permission to sit down. I was told the entire table was booked. Well, it happens. So I moved on the the second, third, fourth tables... everyone gave me the same response. I asked no less than 20 tables. All responded with rejection. Suddenly I felt I didn't belong here. I had the urge to leave...

Until I saw my boss, he told me to look for people in my department. With a glimpse of hope, I searched for familiar faces. I saw one! I was too happy. And the table was not full. I quickly went up to her and asked if I could join her table.

Another colleague sitting on the table told me the table was booked too.

I was very disappointed. And felt dejected. I didn't belong here afterall. Even our own staff didn't want to be associated with me.

Partly it was also because no one wanted to sit with managers. I went through that phase, I know what they were thinking. And I realised why the managers I know don't attend such functions.

I was very upset, to say the least. In the end when the food was being served, I just invited myself to join a table of strangers who didn't seem to mind. I didn't care anymore. I just wanted my share of the food and leave the damn place.

All in all, I think I don't fit into this place as well as I imagined. People are rather cold and clickish here. I have no one to have lunch with. Even the lower level staff don't give much respect, or even show basic courtesy (like smiling) to managers.

This again confirmed my deduction that managers (and above) are very lonely people. And guess what, to add salt to the wound, I'll be posted in another country soon for a project, all by myself. So many colleagues who've been working very hard for years here are green with envy. I'm totally not excited about it.

Hahaha... hope I don't turn suicidal...

Dilemma

2006-11-15T01:17:00.000-08:00

I have been put on a new project and suddenly the euphoria of getting a job in XYZ died. Completely.

I was reminded of exactly why I had wanted to leave consulting.

My memory is short. But today, all the sufferings and misery surfaced again. I'm back to the vicious cycle.

There a deep sense of resentment inside me of the nature of the work.

Makes me SICK. Really SICK. And totally demoralised already.

First I have to lug 10kg of notebook, peripherals and documents to work everyday.

The best part is, I start work in different offices almost everyday.

I left because I couldn't take the nomadic and uncertain life of a consultant. It's constantly living in a pressure cooker. Everyday I have different colleagues, different clients to please. Culture shock everyday. Work wise and otherwise. I don't enjoy it at all.

I really need a desk job... I'm beginning to regret my decision to join. I want to have a fixed work station and fixed bosses and fixed colleagues everyday. I am already tired thinking about what I'm going to go through from today onwards...

God save this fickled woman!!

Finding Friends at Work

2006-11-14T00:12:00.000-08:00

I have no friends in this new job. I realised that managers in big companies are very lonely people. No one wants to have lunch with them everyday. I had to eat on my own all the time. Which I don't mind at all actually... ;p I can understand how that feels for the juniors - I was there before. Who likes to eat with the boss? You either can't be yourself, or you'll be labelled a 'brown-noser'. Even though in most instances, you get to have a free lunch. Sad case.

I was going through the personnel directory since I have not much work to do yet. Saw a very familiar face. Someone I know. Yes! My potential soul mate (and lunch partner!) in the company.

I met her 10 years ago in a skiing trip. She was really sweet and friendly and nice. I couldn't wait to introduce myself to her and remind her that we have met before. And we had a good time together at the skiing trip.

Finally the opportunity came. My boss somehow invited both of us for lunch yesterday. I was very eager to meet her and befriend her all over again!

The moment came. BUT... I couldn't recognise the woman standing in front of me. This is not her. At least not the girl I used to know.

All I saw was a very cold and aloof woman with a strong sense of sarcasm. The way she welcomed me was like "hehe... you don't know what you're getting into!". And the way she didn't want to look at me directly or make conversations (like what normally people would do to make a new colleague feel at home).

Physically, she's attractive. Lost a lot of weight. No longer that cute little smiley girl with the chubby cheeks. A career woman. A rather haggard looking one (gosh maybe I have also become haggard - which is why she couldn't recognise me too!).

And I also realised why is she a senior manager at such a young age but not me. She was aggressive and opinionated in everything we spoke about. Even non-work related matters. Judgment about new staff (this is the scary part!). And she feels that she is right all the time. She does make sense. Intelligent. Definitely bosses' blue-eye-girl material.

But she can't be my friend. To be honest I was a tad disappointed in her change... what has the corporate world done to her? She's a cold person. The only thing that makes her warm is her passion for work. She deserves to be in the corporate world, and do very well!

There goes my only 'friend'. I've decided to not mention about our holiday to anyone in this firm including her. Let us just forget about it... We should all come here to work and excel. Move on. Memories are memories. Past tense. She should be my role model to move upward in the corporate world.

My First Week at Work

2006-11-13T18:06:00.000-08:00

Just concluded my first week at work after 3 months of good rest.

It hasn't been particularly eventful, but somehow I felt I just fit in effortlessly. No culture shock. No surprises.

It has to be the environment that is no stranger to me. It's exactly like ABC when I joined 7 years ago.

The only difference is, I was a junior then. I realised I have grown old so much.

This kind of environment is really F-U-N for young people.

First, there is always a big group of fresh graduates who are hard-core party poopers. They hang out during lunch, after work, weekends... never ending fun. The circle of friends is always expanding as other departments will also join in sooner or later. It's like a little alliance and common-firm bonding.

Then, there are always potential romance blossoming somewhere between these fun- and love-seekers.

And there are just soooooo many social events and parties to look forward to. Thinking of what to wear, what accessories to match, what hairdo to complete the look... just pure F-U-N.

Our much-looked-forward-to annual dinner is coming up. I still remember vividly how excited I was when I was in ABC. And we would spend weeks talking about what to wear, who to sit with, how to get there. Even after the event. We'd still spend weeks discussing the scandals and gossips that took place during the dinner. And circulated the pictures around. And how disappointed we were when the firm decided to have it once every 2 years as a cost cutting measure...

But now. I have no feelings at all. I do feel the excitement of my juniors. Now the only thing I'm concerned is - will the food be good. And how can I quietly excuse myself right before the dancefloor opens and go back to my own cozy bed and sleep.

I do think about my attire. But it's more on how I can blend in with the theme but yet not make a fool of myself as a management staff. How to look elegant and decent yet not old-fashioned. Of course, and not spend at all, if I could, on the dress. Hahaha...

People change. I guess I've grown out of it. And I'm glad I did have my fair share of fun as a junior back in ABC. No regrets.

And after working for so many other small organisations, I am appreciating the extensive infrastructure, databases, support services only big firms can afford to offer. It's just... fantastic! Though at times overwhelming and

Back to the Rat Race with a Smile

2006-11-04T15:34:00.000-08:00

I GOT THE JOB!! Hurrah... Finally. Something that I didn't want to do 3 months ago is making me so happy 3 months after.

Back to the rat race. Back to the corporate ladder.

But I guess the soul- and job-searching for 3 months should come to an end now. I have had enough rest and peace. And I still have a huge housing loan to pay off ;p That's the reality.

And surprisingly I'm very happy that I can finally settle down somewhere.

I think I'll feel at home here. It's one of the biggest organisations worldwide and it has a very nice office. I went through 3 rounds of interviews with 4 directors... Luckily it was no futile effort. They were all humble people.

Most importantly, they give me the recognition I deserve. Unlike some other arrogant company.

I guess over the 3 months I have learnt. And I hope you can learn from my experience.

Work for BIG companies. Seriously. Especially when you're young. The name carries a lot of weight. It's always easier to move to a small company from a big one than vice versa. Like it or not. That's the reality.

It was a bitter pill to swallow when ABC tried to belittle me and did not recognise my work experience in a small firm which is almost unheard of. It's not fair but that's life. I bet 80% of the unsuccessful applications was also due to that fact - my CV's value had been greatly depreciated due to the fact that I was working in an unknown firm - even though I had a high position.

I'm really grateful XYZ is more open-minded than that. I was really lucky. And I shall treasure this!

I know there'll be a lot of challenges ahead. It's afterall a BIG rat-race-rink. But I shall persevere and work for at least 5 years this time round. Mark my words.

Or as soon as my housing loan is paid off. HAHA... I know I'm happy because I can finally afford many things again. And pay off my liabilities.

I must treasure this opportunity!

3 months is up very soon...

2006-11-02T02:14:00.000-08:00

3 months of unemployment is nearing. What have I achieved?

No more dark eye circles.

Ability to do headstand without the wall, amongst the other challenging poses (asanas) in yoga which I never thought I could achieve.

Read some good books and caught up with some good VCDs.

Good REST...

It's time to go back to reality. It's time to find some decent income.

Since I have not heard from anyone else on a solid offer, I decided to give this a try.

The man I met at yoga classes. He owns a company. He has invited me to his office to talk to him about a potential vacancy about 2 months ago. I hesitated as I do not want to work for a tiny company anymore.

But looks like I do not have any other options.

So I made an appointment with him after one of our most sweaty yoga classes. OK OK, it's not exactly a good situation to strike a deal but heck, I AM DESPERATE.

So he told me to see him in his office on the next day. I was excited. Finally I'm getting a job.

The moment I got to his doorstep and peeked into his office through the glass door, my instinct told me I didn't belong here.

This place was full of Chinese paintings and statues. For such a small office, every single corner was occupied with feng-shui related decorations. The meeting room has an altar with like 5 statues up there. The worst thing was, it smelled of incense.

Oh my. I felt like I was in a temple.

OK, I tried to be impartial. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe my instinct has once again failed me. He is a nice man afterall. It's just his taste in deco.

Of all the interviews I've been to in my entire life, this was the toughest and longest.

I had to fill in 1 application form.

And sat for 5 tests - Aptitude, Math, Logic, Case Study, and an essay.

And it was also one of the smallest firms I've gone for interview.

OK OK... be open about it! Maybe it's not that bad...

We had a good chat, everything went well. We were indeed synergistic if he were to hire me.

But my hopes were dashed when I asked about the benefits the company offered.

6-day week. 12 days annual leave (he doesn't believe in leave. Employees are meant to work work and work). Buy your own laptop (so that you'll treat it better and ensure that it lasts). Fly only budget airlines when you have to travel for work (which is required quite frequently).

And the pay - is at least 20% less than market rate.

I got out of that place as soon as I could.

Dejected and disappointed, I told myself I need to be patient in finding something long term. I don't think I can ever be happy here. It's not the money. It's the mentality. Clash of values and culture.

Coincidentally, XYZ finally gave me a call right after the interview... for a 2nd interview tomorrow. THERE IS HOPE!!

Double Standards/Non-Equal Opportunity Employers

2006-10-29T01:10:00.000-08:00

ABC's HR Manager called me up on a lazy afternoon.

"Hello, I can't really hear you. I can hear the television in the background!"

I was like, hello, don't expect me to be in a quiet environment all the time when I don't even know when you're calling me.

Anyways, I wasn't watching television. I was at someone else's house.

I walked to an empty room. So she started asking some relevant questions to the CV I sent.

After some intense interrogation, she started to practically belittle me.

She said I have only 3 years experience - the years I spent as a junior in ABC. She totally disregarded my other valuable relevant experience I gained elsewhere for the position I applied for.

She thinks ABC is SUPERIOR to all other firms out there. "We have very different methodologies and we have very stringent KPIs. Our team is very young and dynamic. This department is the biggest profit contributor for the firm."

"Why don't you try to apply for a lower position? You know since you've been out of consulting for some time now and you're not working."

I was boiling. Was she indicating that I was wasting my life out there since I didn't work with ABC, that any knowledge and experience and exposure I gained from other firms are worthless?? She didn't even bother to probe me what exactly I was doing and just assumed my experience cannot be counted as experience. PURE ARROGANCE.

"But you know, we can give you the position you want in 6-12 months' time if you perform. We can fastrack you."

HAHA... I've worked with ABC before. And one of the reasons I left was because they always made empty promises. And I don't see any difference now as I know many people in there. This sounded like a typical empty promise that I've heard enough of while I was there.

"If you don't mind I can arrange for an interview with you as soon as next week."

"Think about it. You know since you're not working you should consider a lower position."

I really don't understand. You mean if I take a 3 months break I'm no longer marketable and should just settle for something lower? You mean my skills are all outdated and rusty in a span of 3 months? That I have to start all over again?

I felt totally insulted and belittled. I couldn't believe I was talking to such an arrogant firm. It's lika a nightmare for me.

She was expecting me to say, "Yes please. I'm a beggar and can't be a chooser." I said NO. She was stunned and speechless. Bet she has never got any rejection from anyone since ABC is sooooo SUPERIOR, what more from a jobless bugger.

Sorry but I will not settle for anything less that what I think I'm worth. If you think you're so fantastic go look for someone else. And you have no rights to belittle me just because I'm not working now. It is voluntary. It's MY choice. Even if it is not you should not even TRY to shortchange me.

My only hope rests with XYZ now... otherwise I'm back to the drawing board. Sigh. Back to sending out mass applications. Pray for me...

FOOD... Glorious food

2006-10-26T01:04:00.000-07:00

I spent nearly 10 days on a cheap holiday (since I still have no income sob sob... but I needed a break from seeing the same 4 walls everyday). I took a bus, stayed with a friend who also provided free transportation, tour guide services, and most of the time, free meals ;p

PENANG, MALAYSIA. You'll never be hungry no matter how poor you are. For USD0.50, you can get a bowl of hot, yummy noodles for a meal. I'll definitely be back!

I've decided to change the flavor of this blog (no pun intended!) for once. Just want to share with you how you can forget about all your worries and problems for a while by tantalising your tastebuds... (All these, according to my friend, are the best in their own categories.)

Popia (vegies wrapped in soft flour pastry) at Keck Seng coffee shop, Penang Road...

Yam cake with yummy fried shrimp paste and sweet sauce in a small shop (forgot what it's called) on Macalister Road
Kueh Chap (Flat rice noodles with pig's internal organs stewed with herbs - sound disgusting but it's just Heavenly!!) - Lebuh Kimberley
Lo Bak (deep fried tofu, shrimps and pork) dip in sticky sweet sauce - Keck Seng coffee shop, Penang Road
Ang Tao Bing (Shaved ice with red beans, sweet corn, jelly, durian and sweet corn flavored home made ice cream. YUMMMMMMM) - Keck Seng coffee shop, Penang Road
Chee Cheong Fun (Flat rice noodles with sweet shrimp paste) - Lebuh Kimberley
Ang Ku (Red turtle shaped buns for prayers to the Nine Emperor God) - somewhere near Keck Seng coffee shop
The famous Penang Laksa (Sourish & spicy fish soup with fruits and vegetables, optional shrimp paste in the spoon) - Keck Seng coffee shop, Penang Road
Sam Bui Kai (Stewed chicken with 3 cups of alcohol) - White Beach Restaurant, Burma Road
BBQ Pork Ribs & Chicken Drumstick Combo - Ribs Restaurant, Burma Road
Ham Chin Bang (Deep fried doughnut-like bun with chinese 5-spice powder or sticky rice) - Lebuh Kimberley
Heng Jin Soup with Yau Char Kuay (Hot almond dessert with deep fried dough) - Lebuh Kimberley - This has to be my favourite. I had 2 bowls after a very filling dinner!!!

Typical Char Kuey Teow (Fried flat noodles) but instead of pork lard, this stall uses Mantis Prawn oil - Lebuh Kimberley
BBQ Baby Back Pork Ribs (best I've tasted) - Ribs Restaurant, Burma Road
My favourite WET char kuey teow (fried flat noodles in pork lard). Different from the usual flat rice noodles soaked in pork lard, this is something very different and less oily - award winning too!! - Island Park coffee shop, Greenlane

The very famous char kuey teow stall on Lorong Selamat. Oozing with pork lard! Look at the queue...
My favourite dessert - Muar Chee (Sticky Rice Powder balls with peanuts and sugar, topped with deep fried shallots. Melts in your mouth!) - Outside Island Park coffee shop, Greenlane
Pasembur (Mixed vegies with bright orange peanut sauce and prawn crackers) - Pulau Tikus corner coffee shop
Oh Jien (Fresh oysters with egg and yam flour) - Pulau Tikus corner coffee shop (2 thumbs up!)
Kuey Teow T'ng (Soupy flat rice noodles) - Pulau Tikus corner coffee shop

Rojak and Ice Kacang (Mixed fruit platter in spacial sauce + peanuts, and shaved ice with red beans) - Swa Tow Lane
Some piglet looking pastry for prayers to the Nine Emperor God. Cute!

Mee Sultan (Fried yellow noodles with loads of CHILLI) - Swa Tow Lane

Wan Ton Mee (Egg noodles with dumplings and char siew) - Island Park Coffee Shop on Greenlane

I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT!!!

Job Interview Guidelines vs Desperation

2006-10-16T20:25:00.000-07:00

Got this in my mailbox few days back from a very popular job website, on Job Interview Guidelines:

Read the job description and company profile carefully so that you are aware of the job details when an employer calls you about your application. If the job advertisement does not contain enough information, ask the employer for more details.
Remember to write down the name & contact number of the recruiter in case you need to call back later.
Prepare for the interview by finding out more about the company, the job and the industry.
Be punctual for your interview. Bring your resume, transcripts, certificates and relevant documents to the interview.
IMPORTANT: If you cannot attend the confirmed interview for whatever reason, you must contact the employer beforehand to let them know.

Not informing or attending the interview will create a bad impression about you. This may reduce your chance to secure future interviews with the same company.

If you do not have the employer's contact details, look in the telephone book or Yellow Pages.
Send the employer a Thank You email after the interview.
Follow up with the employer on the status of the interview after two or three days. This shows your interest for the job and may increase your chances of success.

I thought I was not desperate for the job I was interviewed for last week. Because I already knew it was a rat race rink, and I knew I wouldn't be happy for long in this kind of environment. I just wanted the comfort of finally serucing a job.

I should have done better.

I got a call for that interview like 3 weeks before. I was out when I got the call, so I only managed to jot down the time and date of the interview in my diary a few days after.

I should have called a day before to reconfirm the interview. But I thought I was not desperate for the job. I took it easy. I even slept so well the night before without any stress.

At 10:30am, I got a phone call from that company's HR department.

"Hello, is this Nailaa? Are you suppose to have an interview with XYZ today?"

Thinking that it was a reminder call, I replied calmly, "Yeah, at 2pm today."

"Er, but it says in my diary that it's at 10am. My director is having a meeting at 2pm so it is impossible to be scheduled at 2pm."

I totally freaked out... "What? OMG... but the other girl who called me 3 weeks ago said it was at 2pm. I have it in my diary!"

"Can you make it now?"

"OK, just give me half an hour!" (I was still in my pyjamas and had not brushed my teeth!)

I should have known it was a bad day for me. It was Friday the 13th. I rushed my way there, apologised frantically to the HR Director. She seemed ok... But I'm sure, based on Guidelines #4 and #5 above, I have left a BAD impression and some marks have been deducted.

Heck it, I thought. I don't want this job.

But after the wedding I attended last weekend, I suddenly felt I am actually desperate for this job.

I was actually working with the competitor of this company, ABC, for 3 years. And recently ABC had some openings for managerial level staff with my kind of skills. As it was a new department altogether with new blood, I didn't mind going back to the same company as long as I didn't have to work with anyone from before.

I was wrong. My ex-colleagues that I bumped into at the wedding told me that many of the people I worked with have actually joined the department. Oh shit...

And there were at least 3 people whom I really don't want to work with, with only one of them lower than my rank if I am hired.

One of them is a well-known laser-tongued bitch who has nothing good to say. She has a black heart. She is mean. She talks bad about everyone behind their backs and acts nice and sweet in front of them. And I don't like her.

Another one is an asshole. I never worked with him but I have heard enough of him. Too much about him. And I have witnessed how he treated his staff. I don't like him either.

And the last person known to be in that department, is my friend's ex-boyfriend who's my age and already made a director last year. I don't know him well personally but I have heard a lot of intimate details about him and I don't want to report to my friend's ex-boyfriend... Too complicated...

I don't think I am keen on ABC anymore, knowing that the team is made up of people of such. So I am only left with one other option (for companies of this nature and status) - the one which I screwed up the interview... XYZ.

The moment I got back from the wedding, I quickly did something I never believed in... Guideline #6. I emailed my interviewer to thank her for seeing me. I think I want the job now.

Perhaps I'll follow Guideline #7 in a few days' time as I am getting more desperate - I have not received any other interview calls!!

Even though I do not believe it is going to increase my chances of success.

I am screwed.

The grass is always greener on the other side...

2006-10-15T18:25:00.000-07:00

I was at a wedding last night and bumped into many many of my ex-colleagues and ex-bosses from one of the biggest multinational firms a.k.a. rat race rink which I used to work for. All the memories just came flashing back.

For the 3 years I spent there, there were lots of laughters and tears, and I made many many good friends. But things just didn't work out career-wise. I was suffering because it was all so political and competitive (what's new, that is just typical in the real corporate world). Not being in the good books of some managers due to personality clashes certainly didn't do me any good either, as I was just a junior with no influential power over any decision, including my promotion and increment. I was just a work horse.

4 years have gone by since I left. I believe I have developed so much more after leaving the rat race rink where I was being exploited and intimidated.

The people invited to the wedding were actually the nicer co-workers whom I liked. It was very much like a power wedding. There were just too many VIPs and men in suits, which confused me at first as I thought I stepped into the wrong function. It felt really corporate. People socialising around with a glass of red wine in their hands, sharing the latest news in the corporate scene, and trying to strike a business deal or two along the way.

My ex-colleagues and bosses were really envious when I told them I was a housewife. Everyone was green with envy, if not jealous :) One even asked what I do to pass time. The answer came out so naturally without a thought, "Yoga". That made them even more amazed. They must have though I married Bill Gates's son to have that kind of life. I told them, you can choose to do that too. But not many people seemed to agree with that statement. Well, I think it is understandable. Not many people will do it.

People work very hard these days to fulfill their financial commitments. House, car, kids, branded stuff, posh restaurants, anti-ageing make-up, credit card bills. We all live in a material world. Once one stops work, he or she will have to forego all this.

I made the decision to sacrifice these material stuff for a while. And yes, it is not a comfortable feeling. I am happy in certain ways but if there is cash inflow from somewhere, the secured feeling will probably make me happier. We just can't have anything.

What they do not know is I am trying to go back to the rat race rink. We are just so ironic sometimes. That is life. We just can't have everything to our favour and comfort. We need to at least be able to survive financially. But the grass always looks greener on the other side. Until you get there. You'll realise it's green because it's full of shit...

Depression and Motivation

2006-10-12T01:23:00.000-07:00

Met up with a friend yesterday. He's been out of the corporate scene for 6 years.

We share a lot in common.

We both can't stand the corporate world, we hate the rat race, we hate sucking up to the bosses, and family is always a priority over work. We can't stand sales jobs too.

We are both wanting to get a job now. We are both close to depression because we don't think we can find anything that quits our requirements, unless we work as clerks.

We are both graduates with years of corporate experience. Will we settle as clerks??

He has 3 kids. I don't. But we both do not want to be a burden to our spouses. And we're both succumbing to the social pressure. We feel we are wasting our youth and time trying to find something we like to do. Cos we'll never find it.

Unless we do our own business.

We tried to explore many ideas. But none seems to be risk-free or even low risk. We have limited capital but we're willing to work hard. But time is not on our side.

We are looking into buying over an elementary school, an idea he has been toying with for at least a year, lacking of a good partner. Here she is. But the opportunity might have slipped away as the 2 potential elementary schools were put up for sale almost 1 year ago. Someone must have bought it already.

Now we have capital, we have idea, we have commitment, we have no opportunity.

I could see the frustration in his eyes. 6 years. My 2 months is already killing my self-esteem. He tried his luck in a few ventures but nothing has taken off. The only consolation is that he has spent the most precious growing years with his children.

I don't know how long more I can wait to find that opportunity. I'll just keep applying for jobs. I know I will not be happy going back to corporate world. But we all need to survive, need to be accepted in the society, need to be accepted by the in-laws.

Wait for the right business opportunity and job opportunity to come by. Both requires so much time and patience. I have a first round interview to attend tomorrow, with a very famous "rat race rink". The mere thought of it sends a shiver down my spine. But I guess the frustration has to be turned into motivation rather than depression now.

I will survive. No one dies from working. They just have shorter, unhealthier lives.

Rude Awakening

2006-10-10T00:05:00.000-07:00

I couldn't take the agony anymore. It's been 3 weeks since I had that very promising interview.

So I wrote a very polite email to the interviewer asking her about the status of the job application.

Within 3 minutes, she replied.

THE VACANCY HAS BEEN FILLED.

With 61 years to go (my life expectancy is 92 years old), I am jobless at my prime age.

I feel like a failure.

And guess what, the only other job applications I have sent in are for Con-Sulting jobs. Those are the only jobs which my qualifications and experience match.

I am going back to Con-Sulting.

OMFG.

Con people and sacrifice my personal life. For a living.

This life is depressing. and I'm only 1/3 way there...

Freaking out!!!

2006-10-08T23:59:00.000-07:00

I went to this website which has a "Life Expectancy Calculator" and took the test. (https://www.livingto100.com/lifecalc.html?accept.php)

And I have been predicted to live till the ripe old age of 92.

OMFG.

What am I going to do to make enough money to survive for the next 61 years with the ever rising costs of living???

And I'm going to be a widow for 4 years as my husband is predicted to die before me.

The more I'm determined of not having any kids because I'm having problems taking care of my own living expenses. I don't know how many million dollars more I need to earn to raise kids.

I shall, from today onwards, start to smoke, drink, eat barbecued red meat, eat ultra sweet stuff, stop going for yoga, and stop flossing my teeth. I really don't need to die so old... I have enjoyed life enough!!

And here I am, seriously contemplating of NOT going to an interview tomorrow with a NGO. I really don't think they can pay me, nor I can make enough money and establish a promising career there. I should just wait for a better, more promising opportunity.

Regardless of how much I hate the corporate world, the reality is, I need to accumulate wealth to survive for the next 61 years. And that is the only path I can see in front of me. At this very moment. The tunnel still looks very dark for me...

I hope this greedy thought will not make me jobless for a few more months... I think I should start 'investing' in lottery tickets now... ;p

Playing Host...

2006-10-07T19:09:00.000-07:00

Baking and house cleaning has become my full time job now.

I spent the entire day preparing some goodies for our 6 friends, who had dropped by for tea. Luckily my skills are not rusty yet. My peach tarts were a hit... yum yum.

Friends are envious of me taking a break but they do not know the struggle I'm going through now. I guess I just feel insecure having no income... money is not everything but without money, I can't do anything either!

Had dinner with my family after that. Another group of friends invited me to have drinks after dinner, but I guess I was too tired physically, and too tired being questioned of how I pass my time in my unemployed days and how unsuccessful I have been in my interviews, I decided to skip the appointment. My inferiority complex is kicking in. Slowly but surely. Damn it.

What do dreams tell you?

2006-10-06T00:30:00.000-07:00

I read on someone's blog today that normally your dreams will tell you the opposite of what is going to happen.

I am not superstitious. But I have dreamt, more than once, that I was offered the 2 jobs that I really think suit me (of which I was called for interviews).

And until today, the jobs have not been offered. No phone calls, no emails. My hubby suggested that I should give them a call to find out if I have been rejected, which I find a little thick-skinned, especially when they put so clearly in the recruitment adversitement that "only shortlisted candidates will be contacted". Sigh. Isn't that very clear, no news is bad news?

My heartbeat skips a beat whenever a foreign number appears on my mobile phone every time it rings. But so far it's not from neither of them. The hope grows bleaker and bleaker by the day.

Looks likes I have to go to more interviews... But this 2 jobs really suits me, and I liked the companies and the interviewers (who were supposed to be my boss). Why? What am I lacking? If all companies take weeks to finalise who to recruit, does that mean I have to be jobless for another 2 months?

At my age I don't think I want to hop on a job temporarily and find a better one later. I have to wait for the most suitable job and the most suitable company in the most suitable industry. Will it ever come??

Just have to let it go and move on.

2 MONTHS and lost my worth...

2006-10-03T22:28:00.000-07:00

It's officially 2 months today since I have been jobless. I've been on an emotional roller coaster lately. I think it's also due to my PMS. It has to be, I thought I was very happy. But the happiness seems to be so short-lived. Or rather, it comes and goes.

The only way we can feel truly happy without any worries is if we find CERTAINTY in life. Don't you agree. We're always worried and unhappy because we're uncertain what lies ahead of us in times of crisis. Whether the money is enough for the new year. Whether your girlfriend is going to call it off when you see her due to some misunderstanding. Whether you're getting the promotion you think you deserve.

In my case, if I am certain I'm starting a job soon, I guess I'll be happier... It's a scary thought you know. I have no idea how long is this voluntary unemployment is going to last. And the only place which will probably keep their doors opened for me is my ex-company, which I vowed not to go back.

It's even scarier when I look at my cash balance dwindling faster than expected. I just can't help buying things... things that I think are essential. By the way I have cancelled all my credit cards so even for fuel I need to pay cash. You know when you only have cash you'll realise that they disappear so FAST... faster than lightning. I have to make numerous trips to the ATM in a week. There are just too many unplanned expenses!!

I mean I have to spend on things for the house, on food (for me and my car), on small little things that will make me feel less miserable and not feel left out by the society, for example nice yoga pants, trendy accessories that really don't cost a lot. OK maybe they do, in relative terms, now that I have no income.

I actually go through bouts of depression sometimes. I don't see no light at the moment. I have another 30-40 years of working life, and I can't afford not to work, I can't afford to start another business... and I don't want to let my brains rot being a housewife!

I guess the reality is, if you don't take risk, you don't gain. I'm right now very careful with my funds... I dare not invest in anything (although I do have some seemingly workable enterpreneuristic ideas in my head). I'm just so scared of failing again!

I already feel like a failure now... My confidence is dropping to a new low. Am I not good enough for the working world? Have I lost my value and marketability?

I am afraid of being unemployed for a long time. I remember a friend telling me that she took a few months' break from work and after that, it was so difficult for her to find something new as the employers thought there was something wrong with her career history (i.e. suspected that she was sacked).

I hope by taking a break, I'm not jeopardising my own career. Only time can tell. And I pray hard a good job lands on my lap soon. I want to earn income and spend without worrying about the future too much... I want to reactivate my monthly commitment to charity and my insurance...

There is this Chinese saying, Resting - is to recharge oneself for a longer journey.

Life has to go on. I made myseld some brown rice sushi for lunch, hoping to be healthy:
And the healthy lunch was completed with a tub of ice cream. HA!

My Tiramisu...

2006-09-28T05:14:00.000-07:00

The last time I made this was more than 5 years ago... This attempt has been very successful and it turned out so sinfully good (thanks to the Kahlua liqour for the added coffee aroma and kick!).Yum Yum... I think I can go into baking full time :) Let me experiment more nice recipes!

Enjoying the moment...

2006-09-26T22:06:00.000-07:00

I didn't even realise I had not posted anything on my blog for 2 weeks! Oh man... time is flying... even though I no longer have a paycheck to look forward to end of every month.

But I've totally accustomed to the non-working life. Better than I ever expected... I never expected me to like this kind of slow pace life. With no daily agenda. Everything is ad-hoc. Everything I want to do hinges on my emotions for that day. I'm beginning to love it. And I don't want to change anything I am enjoying at the moment.

For one, my yoga has improved tremendously. And I'm so enthuastic about it everyday (almost, if I have the energy). My relationship with my husband has never been better. Because I no longer bring the bad emotions I have at work home. Pretty automatically, sex life has improved too :)

I have gone for 4 interviews so far. All of them looked like they wanted me so badly. But till today none of them had called me. It makes me wonder: is my price tag too astronomical?? But if they really like me and feel that I'm the best suited candicate, they would at least TRY to negotiate with me? Looks like they are better actors than me at the interview.

I have another 2 interviews coming up the next 2 weeks. This time I'm not looking forward to them at all. Another boring formality to go through. And this is probably the preliminary round. If I passed I'd probably have to let more people evaluate me. I hate it. And I'm not desperate to go back to the workforce!!

My savings is enough to keep me surviving for another year or so. But I have to think more long term... Not so short-sighted. I'll have to start from scratch if I were to completely deplete it before I get a job. It's a scary thought.

But the joy I get from this jobless life is just priceless... I could never imagined me, someone who used to be so driven by deadlines and agenda, to be able to let go of everything and be a lady of leisure. I am totally enjoying every bit of it. The free time I have to attend the yoga classes in the morning (where the classes are barely full compared to the evenings where I have to smell others' feet and butt). The pleasure in recipe surfing on the net and trying them out everyday. The freedom to go to the malls whenever I feel like it (with controlled spending, of course!). The comfort of walking around braless at home the entire day.

I no longer worry about what others think about me... I was joking with my friends that I'm actually on maternity leave... without a baby to wake me up in the middle of the night, beat that! :) I just hope that the interviewers can understand that we need a break sometimes, and I quit voluntarily for that. So don't even try to exploit me with a low pay thinking that I'm jobless and desperate. The kind of life I have now is priceless!

If you feel burnt out and have enough savings, do take a break like me... you'll not regret it. Right now, I'm going to test this tiramisu recipe I found on the net. Hopefully I can post some pics here next time. TA!

Brain Dead and Withdrawal Symptoms

2006-09-12T23:35:00.000-07:00

I think I'm going cuckoo... It's been less than 1.5 months of jobless life, and I am already feeling the heat. No money, no entertainment, no shopping, no life...

This time is very different from the previous 7 times. Back then, I either had a job in hand or a business to run. This time, I'm totally clueless. I'm just too afraid to venture into anything with all my savings... I feel insecure. Cos of this BIG housing loan that didn't exist back then. Even though my ex-boss (MK) reassured me that I only need to give him a call, he'd take me back immediately. I really have no heart to go back to Con-Sulting...

I have been actively searching, emailing my CV to every headhunter in town. And the bugger company which showed soooooo much interest in me and led me on has no news at all. It's been exactly a month. Ok, I get the message. Time to move on...

My husband managed to hook me up with this guy in our yoga class, who owns a Con-Sulting company too... he has asked me to go see him in his office as he has an opening... but why Con-Sulting again?? Sigh... and it's again a small company with no perks, and it requires extensive travelling... how sad. I want to do my yoga everyday!!! I guess I'll leave this as a last resort for now. I'm giving myself till end of this month (which is not far!) to secure a job. Before my in-laws come questioning me... and before my savings dip below the safety threshold. OMG...

I have brilliant business ideas... but I lack the courage, confidence and funds to do it. It's sad. After learning from my previous failed businesses, I am shying away from new ventures. Looks like age is catching up, I'm losing the Thomas Edison spirit :(

Somehow not working for 40 days makes me feel as though I'm brain dead. I feel I've been wasting my life doing nothing valuable... and I feel as though I can no longer take on high pressured jobs and face crazy traffic... and I wonder how did I ever survive the corporate world?? Life is so peaceful without all the stress. But of course the challenge and stress also kept me going and kept me satisfied, and rich. I am just so fickle minded...

The only thing that kept me going the past 39 days was, can you believe it, eBay. I was just too free so I went through my wardrobe and found things that I no longer wear to sell... surprisingly it was a very successful stint! I didn't make a lot of money, but the satisfaction of selling my junk for a price, and running to the post office to send them off everyday was most exciting! And I also bought some great stuff on eBay - my favourite Coach - not one but TWO of them, at half the normal price!!! I just got one, waiting for the other one to arrive. I really can't wait!

Every morning, the first thing I did as I opened my eyes, I would log on to eBay to see if I sold anything, and also to see the new listings of Coach products, and place my bids for any good deals. I was so looking forward to every new day! And I also made some eBay friends, and met some WEIRDOS on eBay. I found out most of my sexy dresses were bought by MEN... it's scary... you can only find out who they really are when they disclose their mailing address and real recipient name. The usernames on eBay are normally unisex sounding. My latest buyer was also a man, and when I traced back his purchases history, I found out that he bought this from another eBayer:Honestly speaking I have NEVER seen a kinky lingerie like this in my entire life... maybe I'm innocent... but this see-through lingerie has got HOLES for the NIPPLES!! Hahaha... OK OK, he must have bought this for his wife! But I just can't help imagining him as a drag queen. You'll never know...

Unfortunately I think I'll have to put a stop to this obssessive-compulsive behaviour (as my hubby terms it) because my funds are running low. How can I be shopping for luxury goods when I'm jobless? And two Coach bags is more than enough. I also ran out of things to sell... This morning as I woke up, I suddenly felt depressed. I had nothing to look forward to anymore. I no longer need to check my Gmail religiously because I know there would be no mails from buyers. I suddenly have lost my purpose in life!! I don't even know how to spend my days now that I don't have to 'monitor' my eBay sales and purchases :(

This is pretty sad. I'm suffering from eBay withdrawal symptoms!! Time to get a real job, girl.

Jobless vs In-Laws

2006-09-04T21:13:00.000-07:00

Looks like my peaceful jobless life is coming to an end very soon. No I didn’t secure a job. Nor am I dying.

I never wanted to broadcast to the world that I am not working. I am not shameful about it (why should I be?) but neither am I proud of it. I only share this with my closest friends and immediate family. As I mentioned before, if you are jobless in this part of Asia, you are just deemed a loser. Only people of my generation will understand that. Perhaps only people who understand me would understand that.

The last people on earth to find out shall be my in-laws. If they ever find out. Good thing is that they stay far far away from us. They do visit occasionally but often those are short visits, I can still find ways to look busy at work. Or tell them I was on leave.

Don’t get me wrong. They are the nicest in-laws on earth. Very considerate and independent. I don’t dislike them at all. But I strongly feel that they DON’T have to know what I’m doing. Or not doing. It’s my life.

My husband’s brother’s wife recently quit her job as she couldn’t stand her nasty boss. She was bumming around for a couple of months before she found another job. The first thing that came to my father-in-law’s mind was that she ‘lost’ her job. Though she was the one who resigned voluntarily. And he started labeling her a ‘sitting duck’ and indirectly implying that she was a parasite. Typical Asian values. Jobless is Useless.

I am in the exact situation at the moment. Although my husband keeps assuring me that his parents have a much better perception of me than her, i.e. I am not useless even though I am jobless. I have my doubts. And I choose not to tell them I am not working. Period.

So we met up with my husband’s uncle for breakfast and were casually catching up. Of course the question of “how’s work?” will always crop up. My husband just innocently told him that I’m not working at the moment.

I couldn’t believe it when I found out that he called up his wife who was in another country and told her such trivial stuff. On an expensive long distance call. He had to spend a minute or more to tell her that he found out that I was not working. Was it worth mentioning at all??? It is so hard to believe. And you guessed it right. His wife told my mother-in-law. She then called up her son, my husband, to confirm it. She must have felt offended to hear it from her sister.

I can just imagine what will happen in the very near future. I’ll be questioned. Even though I am not answerable to anyone. I’ll be labeled a “sitting duck” and a parasite to their son. Which I am NOT. Before I quit I have made sure I have enough savings to take care of myself, my parents and pay for my house. I am not asking for any money from their son. If I did I wouldn’t have felt that bad. And they’ll probably be visiting more frequently and staying longer thinking that I am free. I am NOT free. My days are fully occupied even when I am not working and if I have no time to entertain you during your visit even though I’m not working, I’m blacklisted forever as a BAD daughter-in-law.

I chose to stop working because I want to live MY life. Not for anyone but for myself. Call me selfish but that’s me.

Husband thinks I’m thinking too far. And why should I care what other people think. I don’t care about what other people think but I do care VERY MUCH what my in-laws think. Because if anything happens to their son it is the wife that is to be blamed. Isn’t that a norm in this world? 95% of people think that men fail/change because their wives influence them. Nonsense.

Suddenly I feel so pressured to get a job FAST. Sigh.

One Month. One KG. - $10,000.

2006-09-03T19:40:00.000-07:00

One month anniversary from the last day I worked. How time flies. Somehow this month felt extra long, as though I have done so much! Fulfilling, in a certain way. And I am getting addicted to the life of not having to work… This is BAD.

I weighed myself yesterday. I have put on 1kg. This is terrifying!! If this is the side effect of not working, I’d rather work and look haggard but slim. Shallow women. But honestly I’m enjoying the stress-free life. Except occasionally when I look at my dwindling bank account balance, I start to freak out. But that effect only lasts for 10 minutes. I’ll be back to my happy-go-lucky self in no time. The thought of not having to wake up to go to work and sleep with work is really… satisfying. Bliss…

But reality will still sink in once in a while. After spending and losing out about $10,000 for not working in a month (gosh, I can get quite a few Coach bags with that!), I am still hopeful of finding a job I like. There was this really promising job interview which I attended 3 weeks ago, and I think I like the job and the benefits that come with it. However, after 3 rounds of interviews, they have not been in touch with me. So I wrote to the interviewer, his reply was “Sorry for the delay. Haven’t had the time to check with Human Resources yet. Will get back to you in a week or two”. Sounds like a lame excuse. Looks like I have to try harder in looking for another job… something I LIKE to do. That is the challenge. Things that I like to do don’t bring me good income.

But I could be wrong. Bought a cake from a very famous neighborhood bakery yesterday. I have heard so much about it. They are so popular that they only take booking in advance (minimum of a day), and they only open 3-4 days a week for business. But they are doing so well! I was shocked to see their order book for the day. I was number 119 when I placed my order at 10:35am. Can you imagine… they only sell one type of product – chocolate fudge cake. Single product. And they can afford to close for half the week and still be making lots of money.

I was excited about the cake. Finding out what is the secret of their success. And if possible, emulate. To my disappointment - the cake was not good by my standard! OK, to be fair it is good in the sense that you can smell and taste they use good imported chocolates, there is no reason why so many other better, richer chocolate fudge cakes are not doing better than them. It is not even spectacular. And they have a SINGLE product. And they are located in a small shoplot in a residential area with no attractive decorations. And it is expensive! So the basic elements of Marketing are missing. They don’t meet any of the 4P’s – Price, Product, Place and Promotion. It’s all by word of mouth. And they have been popular for many many years. I just cannot believe how they have become so successful. If not the 4P’s, it’ gotta be FENG SHUI!!

The cake was worth it in the sense that I am now inspired to create my very own ONE product to be successful. A very common product. You may not even need to be niche. Just a basic product that can be consumed everyday. A product with constant demand. Even a product with a lot of competition. It is that amazing.

My unemployed days...

2006-08-21T05:33:00.000-07:00

It's been 17 days since I left my job.

Somehow I'm beginning to enjoy days of doing just nothing... stress-free. But of course income -free is no good. I've been spending too much... when a woman is bored, she thinks of what she can do to make her happier. And shopping is definitely top of the to-do list! As much as I tried to avoid, I failed miserably. Too bad I just don't have the strength to do yoga all day. Otherwise I'll be wisely distracted from spending money haha... Today marks an achievement in my 8.5 months of yoga journey - I finally can do headstand!!! Not a perfect one but nonetheless, a BIG achievement.

Of course I went for some interviews which seemed ok, but it's been a week since I last heard from them. As the days go by, things don't seem as rosy as the beginning. I just hate interviews. They make you act in the interview, and the make you wait in agony. Arrgghh... as my savings level has dipped to a new low, I actually wanted to start work as soon as possible. Pray pray...

Somehow contrary to my first blog, things have not been as hellish as I expected, material wise. I was in Bangkok for the weekend... haha... and bought my foundation and Coach wallet at a steal! These are things that I'm only supposed to buy IF I get a job this month. Geez, hope this "reward in advance" will bring me some luck hahaha...
Bangkok is a shopping haven... Beyond my expectations. From cheap to luxury goods. They beat Singapore, KL, Hong Kong FLAT. Maybe Shanghai is better, I have yet to visit. If you really want to stretch your Dollar, go shopping in Bangkok!! Food is good, people are courteous, trains are world class. I can't wait to go again :) Must visit Chatuchak Weekend Market (which has over 3,000 stalls!) for bargain but quality, original handcrafts/clothings and Siam Central area for all the upmarket goods. I pity those men though... I took a picture of a typical sight in shopping complexes haha... (3 men sleeping on the bench while waiting for the women to shop)Hope to hear some good news tomorrow... I still have like 5 other things to buy :p I'm seriously working for the MONEY and not INTEREST muahhaha...

My (very shallow) wish list

2006-08-16T15:45:00.000-07:00

I've decided to pamper myself if I get a job within this month:

1. Fix my 2 discolored front teeth. I have been advised to do crowning as the discoloration is from within, no amount of scaling and polishing will help. Apparently they'll saw your tooth and just leave enough (as thick as a toothpick) for the "crown" made of porcelein, to be affixed to what's remaining. You keep your roots, and voila, nice WHITE teeth. But there'll be a one week waiting period for the "crown" to be moulded and custom made. Can't imagine how horrible I'll look like with 2 toothpicks hanging out from my gums when I smile for that one week!! OK, think long term...

2. Seek specialist help on my deformed toe. I have this disease called bunion and it's killing me, especially when I'm working!! No it's not stress related. I just can't wear high heels or pointed shoes. I can only wear sandals. Flat and broad shoes. There's no way you can convince me to wear my power suits without high heels. I'd rather suffer the pain than to look like a tasteless aunty. And trust me, the pain is BAAAAAD. I can't even do 100% of my yoga movements because of that. If surgery is required, I'll make sure my next employer covers it muahahahaha...

3. Go to the most expensive hairstylist in town for a GOOD haircut. I've been stinging on it as I knew I was going to be jobless soon. 10 dollars haircuts have damaged my fringe and if I don't get the job I want, it is to be blamed. It's making me look like the funny guy in Dumb and Dumber. I hope it can be salvaged!!!

4. Invest in a good foundation for my face. I never have the habit of using one but as I age, I finally realised the need. Well, blame it on the free time I have now - I can practically read ALL the articles and advertisments in women's magazines. And they really give you the urge to buy, buy and buy. I have a reasonably priced, high street brand foundation which I am going to eBay off. I heard comments that I look like a geisha when I wear it. Ouch... If I don't get the job I want, it is to be blamed.

5. Buy a Coach wallet and/or handbag. Darn. Something I've been yearning for when I was making a 5-figure monthly salary. Now that I'm earning a zero-figure salary, the desire is even stronger!!! I promise, I only need ONE, I don't plan to buy every season. Just get a classic design that will last me for 10 years. To justify the cost and depreciation. I truly believe it has the quality and style that is worth every penny. I consider myself down-to-earth. I'm not even asking for a Gucci or a LV. I just want something that is stylish and timeless and durable. And branded.

6. Laser hair removal. I just hate shaving and epilating every other day. It's making me very sick but if I don't do it, it'll be totally disgusting especially for a yoga practitioner. It's really unsightly! Once and for all, I shall remove everything including the roots! Haha...

Haha... looks like my first month's salary is already gone even before I'm starting to earn it!! Well this is my shallow side. Sorry but I'm just a W-O-M-A-N...

My List of Not-To-Do's in Corporates

2006-08-13T19:41:00.000-07:00

OK, I tried and failed and tried and failed. And I'm about to gamble my fortune again in the corporate world as I do not have anything more 'convenient' to make a living currently. No middleman business, no manual work, no fantastic and fresh business ideas. What else can I do but go back to the corporate world? *cringe*

Somehow deep inside I am proud of my never-say-die mindset of the bulb inventor Thomas Elva Edison. But of course all these trials cost money and time. I am a sucker for happiness. Life is short. Can't force myself to do something I hate in order to survive.

I have a list of things which I DON'T want to do in the corporate world:

1. CONSULTING - enough is enough! I shall not continue to play God to salvage companies (when we don't even know for sure, and yes, we refer to books and internet for most of the solutions and materials and charged you a few hundred thousands, haha, conned you there!) for the benefit of my bosses' deeeeeeeeeeep pockets.

2. Investment Banking - working round the clock, see no sunlight, just to meet deadlines and regulations and submission formats set by rigid regulatory bodies. My heart cannot afford to stop beating for 5 seconds everytime the authorities call. I'll die early. And I don't see the value in knowing the guidelines (which are revised every now and then at the authorities' mercy) inside out. Anyone can do it. Just read the guidelines whenever you go to the loo or when you're having insomnia caused by the authorities.

3. Collection - This is a VERY important task in any corporation but it is a thankless and depressing job. I think we don't need a degree to do it. We just need to look and act like gangsters. That is the only way to make Asians pay up!

4. Sales - I just DON'T have the talent to do it. I don't have the passion either. I just cannot talk and persuade strangers to buy from me. And I cannot take too many rejections. No wonder I'm not rich in the foreseeable future. It is indeed a VERY desired skills for any successful people in the corporate world. It makes it a whole lot easier to climb the corporate ladder. Seen too much of that...

5. Accounts/Finance - Even though I'm qualified to do this, I cannot imagine spending 2/3 of my life staring at figures, figures and figures, and go cuckoo when my figures don't tie back. And again be at the mercy of a rigid reporting structure and system.

6. Operations - I vowed not to work in a cost centre forever. You see, these people are always the most hard-working, best trouble shooters and best multi-taskers. And yet, they are never appreciated, always an easy target for the sales people who just sell, sell, sell to clients even though they know well enough that operations is not capable of meeting the requirements and deadlines due to external constraints, and they are never rewarded as much as the sales people. SAD SAD life.

These are all gathered from my REAL LIFE work experience. That doesn't leave me with much choice, does it? ;p

My ex-boss once told me when I resigned, that I am truly a good employee, if not one of the best he has come across in his 30 years of working life. But I am too idealistic. I am always searching for the ideal work environment, ideal boss, ideal office, ideal colleagues, ideal kind of work. He told me I'll NEVER find my happiness in my working life. There is no such thing as an ideal world out there in this dog-eat-dog corporate rat race.

I somehow do agree with him though we eventually fell out. Do you feel the same too? Life is just too tough... we have to find our inner peace and happiness without being affected by work. Is that ever possible??!

On the 7th day of unemployment my true love said to me... GET A JOB!

2006-08-09T19:12:00.000-07:00

I have been officially out of job for a week now.

The sense of insecurity has set in. I supposed it is normal for someone who was not born with a silver spoon. I still need the dough!

On day 1, I was very happy. The thought of losing hundreds of dollars per day for not working was totally overshadowed by the bliss of not having any work pressure and not being part of an unethical organisation.

I was happily cleaning my house (which was in quite a sorry state as I was too busy with work on weekdays and too exhausted from work on weekends), visiting my cute little niece whom I never got to see on weekends as I was too tired to leave my cozy home, baking some goodies (see pic - bought a new tool to decorate my blueberry sponge cake. See the not-so-smooth dome shape? Simple and plain it may seem - it's much harder than the usual complicated deco!) before my oven starts to rust, and meeting up with (many) friends for lunch. Very nice life indeed.

Not until I realised on EVERY occasion I was out of the house, I was spending money!!! On average fifty bucks per outing. That is scary. I just couldn't stop buying small little things and spending a little more on good food on every *guilt* trip. At the rate I'm going, I'm going to lose my house to my bank in 6 months' time!

So I decided I should start looking for a job again... I need the money to survive. Suddenly I am so very motivated by the thought of making MONEY by sacrificing my nice and peaceful and stressless life... I am just fated to work and work and work... when there is no income boredom and insecurity set in. It is quite depressing to feel that way :(

Made my contacts, arranged for some interviews, and you know what, interviews FREAK me out!!!! The thought of having to repeatedly tell some strangers about my sad life from the moment I graduated, and in the process sell myself highly yet discreetly to get the job... and behave in such prim and proper manner that even my mother wouldn't recognise me when I'm in an interview - just freaks the hell out of me! Why can't we skip that process altogether, knowing that neither the interviewer(s) nor interviewee are even 50% of their normal self in interviews. Worse yet, many companies have more than 2 rounds of interviews just to hire some rookie executives. Help these poor souls!

Somehow when one is jobless, one's self esteem (in my case, this is directly linked to the bank balance!) starts to dwindle by the day... At least in this part of the world where the society judges you by what your occupation is, and not how noble your intentions are. I seriously cannot imagine someone wanting to hire me anymore. And that is only after a week!!! I just feel like I've been demoted to become a cleaner, tealady and taxi driver. But I don't miss working and wearing my power suits, that is for sure! I just miss the money.

I'd better try harder and do more research on how I can sell myself successfully to get a job real soon, since I also do not have the courage and capital to venture into a business at this very moment. Geez, I feel lost again. I am definitely not lazy but being part of the statistics of "unemployed" makes me feel lousy.

A friend came visiting and asked what I really want to do. I could not answer him. I do not know what I want. But I do know for sure what I do NOT want. Hope that is already a good starting point, ha! Wish me luck in my interview tonight... *cringe*

I am glad someone has conscience!

2006-07-31T17:31:00.000-07:00

One of the big push factors that is pushing me to leave this company is like I said in my first blog, this is not the place for me to build my career, not because the monetary remuneration is not good, not because of the long hours, not because my bosses don't like me, it is solely because I don't see much honesty and integrity in the things we do.

You see, my bosses (WDC and MK) will come out with brilliant ideas to help businesses to reduce costs. Our professional fees are calculated as a function of the savings we can achieve for the company, for example, if we promise a returns on investment (ROI) of 400%, that means for every USD10,000 they invest in us, they get a USD40,000 savings.

They often have to jack up the savings figure in order to justify our professional fees. And how do they do it? Simple mathematical manipulation - just work backwards! If we want to earn USD1 million from this client, we'll make sure we can show them how we can help them reduce cost by USD4 million! At all cost. Using the most unrealistic assumptions. Just to get them to buy the project (and of course, feed us!).

So WDC and MK were able to get this latest project, and in order to impress the client, they had promised an astronomical sum of savings. And how they proposed to do it is to retrench hundreds of people, whether they are performing or not, by changing the business model completely. The promised savings is very tempting I must say. But deep down, I was in total disagreement.

Look, retrenching one person affects the livelihood of one family. If each family has 4 people, we're going to affect thousands of people's lives! What about those who are really poor and need medication daily in order to survive? What about those poor young kids who are counting on the money to get education? Why are we even suggesting this, purely for our own benefits?

Of course there are 2 sides to a coin. Some may say, well, you need to improve productivity in order to survive in the business world. You just have to be selfish sometimes. Think the BIG picture. In a pure commercial sense, this sounds rational. But then again, this is not a proven model. This is a drastic change with no promised results. There is a big risk. And in taking that risk we're proposing to affect the livelihood of thousands of innocent people! And my bosses will get richer by sacrificing them!

If I had a choice, I won't do it. So I made the decision to leave. WIthout a job. I decided to just affect my livelihood. It is just not acceptable to my conscience. I believe in karma. Imagine that happening to your loved ones one day. Come to think of it, in serious cases, it may even lead to crimes (robbery, theft) and suicide!

I think I'm just not cut out for corporate life. I don't have what it takes. I'm not driven by profits (by sacrificing my conscience and integrity). I don't have a black heart. I just want to sleep peacefully every night in my cozy little apartment.

This morning, I was told that the client's Managing Director has decided to put the project on hold as he has gathered feedback from his people that this drastic change is going to affect too many people adversely. Thank goodness! Even though I'm not going to have anything to do with this anymore in the next few days, I'm happy for that decision! And I'm still leaving cos this situation will definitely come again in my line of work. I do not want to deal with this anymore. I shall not stay any longer in this game of CON-ning and INSULT-ing you!

Last few days... in the freezer...

2006-07-31T01:17:00.001-07:00

Happily counting down to my last day… Or so I thought.

My bosses are definitely putting me in cold storage even since I tendered my resignation. They probably don’t see any value from me anymore, and are afraid I would jeopardize their new business leads. Hello, I’m more professional than that. As a Buddhist I don’t do things that hurt others (and don’t benefit me haha…)! And I believe in karma. Which is why I’m leaving this company run by crooks.

The ultimate torture one could impose on an employee who’s out of favour is by putting them in cold storage. Make them feel totally useless but yet imprisoned in the office. Let them still feel obligated to come into office for 8 hours a day without giving them any important tasks (I don’t consider making me call up clients to chase for payment an important and fulfilling task). And leave them out in ALL discussions. My second boss, MK, had the cheek to ask me to excuse him in MY room for 2 minutes for him to make a confidential call. Totally demoted and worthless!

This is making time pass even more slowly than ever… Not having anything to do. How much internet can I surf? How much MP3 can I listen to? How much longer can my lunch time be extended? I still have 7 hours to kill in a day! Sigh, making me feel totally lousy and a liability to the country. I could be contributing my brains to the nation to make it a better place on earth for our citizens! And help increase the Gross National Product!

Looking forward, I am indeed getting worried now… I have no idea what I want to do in my life! In fact I feel ashamed of myself. It’s been 10 years since I graduated with flying colours from a reputable UK university. And I’m still lost. I haven’t enjoyed any of my previous jobs! Maybe it’s just me, I get jaded very quickly in every job… I just get SICK of my work within 18 months. That is like the psychological barrier. Thereafter everything just goes down the drain interest-wise, but of course performance-wise it gets better… that is beside the point. I want to be happy myself, not only make my employers happy.

What can I do? I’ve been visiting too many job sites… for my kind of experience I can get something, but do I want it? And if I don’t, learning from my failed entrepreneurial attempts, what else can I do? I'm no Edison, I take failure very seriously! I feel so lost, and being imprisoned in this suffocating bird cage doesn’t help me in thinking creatively…

What do I want in life? Very simple – I just want to make enough (and save!) to do the following by the age of 40:

1) Pay off housing loan;
2) Have a comfortable level of savings to let me have a comfortable life (no luxury) till I die;
3) Have some capital to LIVE my passion ie. open a small neighbourhood bakery shop;
4) If (3) fails, (1) and (2) are not affected.

Is that a tall order? Someone quoted me a phrase from (yet another) book on how to become a millionaire – don’t do something you don’t enjoy now in order to reach your goal - you’ve gotta start doing something you enjoy now!

The question is – are you going to fund me and leave everything to my free hands? No sugar daddy please… A friend just got back from Shanghai and she told me she was totally impressed by how advanced they are, and it is indeed a land of opportunities as our ex-colleagues are all doing so well (monetary-wise, I’m sure). Deep down inside, are they happy? Have they also come to the stage where MONEY cannot compensate what they’re losing out in life, for example, quality sober and awake time to appreciate all the small little things (for example, family) in life? I hope they are happy… I am sure there are many more people in this world who’s driven by money and status more than I imagined.

Am I weird??

Attempts to get out of the Corporate World (& juggle with survival) - Part II

2006-07-24T03:55:00.000-07:00

It is a SIN to not have a job in this part of Asia. It is not forgiveable and it brings shame to the family if a grown-up kid does not have a job. Even more so for a well educated and intelligent kid. To the older generation, there is no such thing as jobless by choice. It is always jobless by default. You will be called useless, parasite, retarded, psychotic if you CAN work but DON'T work.

There I was, left in a lurge once again when my little business failed, and this time it was worse than before as my savings have been exhausted. OK, I still have money but they were all tied up in the debtors (who were either pretending they did not receive my invoice or avoiding my telephone calls. Bad bad business culture. Mind you most of the debts were below USD100. What a shame!) and unsold stocks which are taking up 80% of the space of my business partner's tiny rented apartment. He was sleeping on the stocks. Literally.

There was this little family-run outlet that we frequently dine in for the cheap and good food. After a while, we became friends with the owners. They were really nice people. As the food was cheap and good, there was a consistent crowd visiting this outlet during meal times. One fine day in our casual conversation with the owners, they were telling us that they were trying to expand their menu (this again proved my point in Part I - humans are hungry for new things all the time!) as they wanted to retain and better still, increase their customer base.

Suddenly I saw light at the end of the tunnel. Despite being a high achiever in school in economics, secretly my ambition is to become a housewife (sin sin sin!!) not because I wanted to have 10 children and just depend solely on my hubby to support me financially, I actually enjoy spending all my time in the kitchen creating new dishes. And I am good at it. (Again, back to Part I, when people don't have to fork out money to buy your stuff they'll tell you it's full of potential and definitely saleable in the market. Hypocrites!!)

So for the 2nd time, I took the risk again. Having learnt the 5 lessons in the middleman business, I have become smarter. Or so I thought. But this time, I'm really doing it out of passion, and the capital is low, and there is a captured market (by tapping on their existing consistent customer base), and it is CASH transaction, and food industry is recession-proof, and there seems to be more success stories in this industry than others simply because we all live to eat - as long as the food is good you'll make it!

I was really having a good time in the first couple of weeks. Business was fantastic. My new dishes were complimentary to the existing menu, and very reasonably priced but ultimately, GOOD. I only believed in using the best ingredients cos I learned, as a consumer, I hated restaurants that stinge on good ingredients. Totally unacceptable.

Money was not bad but for that price tag, I had to really hit the volume in order to make big bucks. The customers were really receptive to these new dishes, and thanks to the outlet owners who were promoting (to the point of hard-selling) for me, it was a sell-out every night!

As this was a new venture, I had no helpers - I wanted to test the market and the business model first. I was doing everything by myself. From buying ingredients, to cutting, to cooking (many dishes at one time!), to serving, to collecting money, to clearing tables, to washing... I could still manage it. If I had a helper my revenues would be halved and profits will not be enough for me to breakeven in a year or two (being an economist that I was).

And then one day, a loyal customer came to the outlet with her son. While I was packing her take-away, she was actually lecturing her son, "son, if you don't study well in school, this will be what you'll end up doing!". In the same day, I was faced with a few rude customers who treated me like dirt. I then realised we are in a society that is so status conscious! I have never been treated like that before at work... and only if I could have a chance to justify my choice of occupation...

But honestly, these incidents did not demoralise me. I was really making my occupation out of my passion. I ought to be enjoying it for a long, long time.

Then reality struck yet again. Suddenly one day I just fell sick... very sick to the point of not being able to stand up and even to swallow food. Doc said it was due to exhaustion and the heat from cooking every night, and I had to stop business for a couple of weeks. That moment on, I realised I'm not cut out to do manual, labour work. I have been pampered all this while, blessed with good brains, working from 7am to 9pm everyday in a comfortable office. People treated me with respect (whether sincerely or not, is beside the point). For that couple of weeks' rest, I used up all the profits I earned and I had zero income.

Maybe that lady was right. And for the youngsters who are reading this blog, I'd like to reiterate that education is VERY important indeed. At the end of the day, you can still do what you like but with education, you always have a contingency plan to fall back on. And trust me, using your brains to earn money is so much more comfortable and rewarding than using your hands!

So, the vicious cycle started again. I was back in the corporate world...

Attempts to get out of the Corporate World (& juggle with survival) - Part I

2006-07-23T18:02:00.000-07:00

I don't know how many of you have really walked the talk. I am proud to say I DID! But somehow failed and went back to the corporate world (which somehow always welcomes me with opened arms).

Come on guys, I am sure ALL of you have at one point or another complained about tired of working, tired of the back-stabbing and dog-eat-dog corporate world. I am sure ALL of you have thought of being your own boss. But how many of you were adventurous enough to take the big leap?? 20% tops... Because we all like SECURITY! The fixed income, the medical benefits and insurance that come with a job.

I am just human, of course I treasure that too. At the end of the day I still need to survive and support my parents and my bank (which still owns 88.5% of my house as at today).

I left my 6th job to venture into something totally new and seemed promising. Back then, I was an Assistant Manager in Corporate Finance (you know, the backroom people who write all the prospectuses and circulars for shareholders and investors so that they can make sound investment decisions based on our findings. But honestly. Do you think investment banks are telling the whole truth? Think about it. Who hires them to write. And customers are ALWAYS right. How independent can they be? But that is beside the point. How many people actually read what is written by these poor labourers with their sweat & blood?? They usually take MONTHS if not YEARS to finalise the writings. They hardly saw the sun. And most of their effort end up in wet markets as wrappers. OUCH!).

I was as usual, hungry for happiness ie. opportunities that would help me to get out of the corporate world and still survive. I met up with a manufacturer of beautiful gift packs, fell in love with them, fell in love with my business partner, and decided to go all out to market them. Of course I was not blindly in love. We capped our investment and gave ourselves 6 months to try it out. It was a totally new product in the market. We were the sole distributor. The catch was, we had to pay the manufacturer in advance before we got the stocks. And we needed a warehouse to keep them.

Luckily my business partner had some savings as he spent some years working overseas earning better currency. I chipped in some too, and we agreed that I shall quit first and do it full time, set up the network, and if the response was good, he'd follow suit.

The first few months was bliss. Business was good. The market loved the packaging as they had never come across anything like that. Orders were pouring in. We were taken by surprise. Soon after, he quit his corporate job too and joined me. By using our knowledge and skills which we gathered from our education and work experience, we even developed out mini Customers Relationship Management (CRM) system to service our customers. Things were looking great. Until reality struck.

The gift market is constantly hungry for new products. All men and women like virgins. They want things that are brand new and exclusive to them. Everyone wanted the first mover advantage over their competitors. Our dearest manufacturer is from the old school - they had no innovation and R&D. No new packaging for the last 10 years and probably for the next 10 years too. After our first successful Christmas season, sales became very very slow... and the rest was history.

If you ever want to venture into a new business, I'd like to share with you the lessons we learned from this business:

1) Be in control - do not rely on the manufacturer as you'll be at their mercy for products, especially if they have limited range of products or simply lacks innovation.

2) Never be the middleman - distribution business is TOUGH. First you have to pay the manufacturers by cash or in our case, in advance. You are then forced to carry high stocks to meet the unpredictable demand. The worst thing is - your capital is tied up even more when you start to give credit terms to your customers. Welcome to Asia. Credit terms on paper says 30 days, most of them will start preparing your payment only 6 months later. And again, you have no control over them because you need them more than they need you!

3) Do not overestimate the market size - we did some preliminary research and survey before we ventured full time into this business. We even took samples around and asked for people's opinion. Chances are, they'll say it's great and full of potential but the moment you want them to buy and carry your product, they'll just run away. Literally... The market for our product, in reality, was not even 10% of what we had anticipated. Towards the final few months of our business, I had so much free time because I had too few customers to service and I was going nuts!

4) Choose the right product - easier said than done. Thanks to the internet and the borderless business world (and the biggest copycat China), most markets in the 1st and 2nd world, even some in the 3rd world, are so fully developed. There aren't many things that Japanese have seen that Singaporeans have not. Trust me, I was in Japan early this year, I actually felt they are no longer that far ahead of us. Hence, your chosen product must be very NICHE and not easy to copy.

5) Have a budget for Advertising & Promotion - Believe me, it makes a whole lot of difference! If you have no money, you gotta find investors to support that! Not many cynical Asians will buy things they have not heard of. No matter how good they are. Once you start selling a new and niche product in a new market, go all out on A&P to capitalise on the first mover advantage!

Well, lessons learned, capital nearly all gone, what should I do next??

The Illusion of Corporate World

2006-07-20T00:45:00.000-07:00

I have always hated the corporate world. After I became part of it.

Of course we all like the glamour that comes with it. Nice suits, high profile clients, meetings cum lunches in prestigious hotels. And of course, the money and status that come with all that free dinners and wines.

Don't you think everything "corporate" is just an illusion? Many people treat you nice because of your position and the potential benefits you can bring them. You have a value to them.

I was very very lucky to make some valuable FRIENDS in my 2nd and 6th jobs. People who are worth keeping in touch with. And are truly concerned about you (not just your alleged scandals or wrong doings). But other than that, the rest of the colleagues and business associates (the remaining 99.9%) just disappeared from my life the moment I left their offices for good.

I certainly had no more value to them. I could no longer give them the business leads they needed, nor the recommendation for promotion. I was immediately demoted to an "ex-colleague". No matter how much you have helped them. But, out of the blue, I still get phone calls or emails for favours and information. I am always so touched to be remembered at their most critical moments.

My point is, there are hardly any true friends in the corporate world. I am born to be sincere and nice to people and animals and plants, not for any personal agenda. But after I started working, I realised that in order to survive and climb up the corporate ladder, you're just wasting your time and energy and emotions to be sincerely nice! You will, instead, be taken advantage of.

I'm sorry I was never my true self at work (learned from the cruelty of corporate "friends" after 2 years of working)... I'm 300% nicer and more fun than that lady in ever matching suits, shoes and bags. Too bad you never had a chance to know the real me. We were just fated to meet at the wrong time at the wrong place. I had to transform to something that is acceptable to the corporate world in order to survive. And earn my salary. And promotion.

Sometimes I don't even recognise myself in the mirror. What has become of me after 9 years of living in the illusion of corporate world??

2 more weeks to heaven... or hell??

2006-07-19T19:19:00.001-07:00

Counting down to my last day... the salary is VERY motivating indeed but I've decided to not have anything to do with this company anymore. I'm a woman of principles.

To begin, this company is run by 2 men - WDC (Well-Disguised Crook) and MK (Manipulation King). They go around town FOOLING people - often the well-educated, experienced and well-exposed big corporate leaders (well, I never said they were intelligent) that our company can improve their business by the millions (not Rupiah or Dong or Baht, mind you). I must admit that they do have the talent to do it. Being white, WDC has an advantage especially in Asia. Not being racist here but WHITE people do get more respect and trust than darker people. Asians are so easily disillusioned by their skin color. I mean, just look at the good old Sarong Party Girls (SPGs)...

But I didn't join the company because of WDC's white skin. I was desperate for a job (yet again...). There is always a HUGE gap between your interest & happiness, and survival. As much as I hate to climb the corporate ladder, I needed the MONEY! I was promised this company was DIFFERENT. Basically there is no corporate ladder here. Flat hierarchy. Everyone reports directly to WDC and MK. No annual appraisal, no annual increment, no annual bonus, no annual dinner. Everything is very impromptu.

Sounds ideal to someone who has been trying too hard to climb the corporate ladder (and fell flat on my face in every instance). It's a flat land! Just like the little prairie. That is so cool. No competition, no back-stabbing, no cat fighting, no politics. Just do your part and get paid.

2 years down the road, I just know I can't hang on anymore even though I was given 3 increments in the span of 1 year... 50% increase from where I started - for being a top performer, or rather for learning fast in becoming a crook and manipulator. I hated myself. I was becoming the bitch I once hated in my 2nd job.

But then again, I'll be back in the vicious cycle. Where do I go from here? I have not secured a job. I just want to leave badly so as to preserve my good karma. Am I going to survive with no income? I do have savings, but I have many commitments too, like my huge housing loan... Maybe I should stop my favourite sports (shopping and eating) to make ends meet. Hmm...

After 2 weeks, my mind will go to heaven (clear conscience) and my body will go to hell (no more material enjoyment)...